How to Be a Proper Guest

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the Signs of a Good Host. It only paints half the picture… the loop must be closed by talking about the other half of the equation!

An invitation to a nicer club can be intimidating at first. You may scramble to check the website for dress code cues, or perhaps even scout Google Maps for the hole layouts or parking directions. You may even lose sleep over the first tee shot.

The club’s tipping and technology policies won’t be public. If that information is on the internet, it will be gated on the members-only section of the website.

Do not fret.

It never hurts to be over-prepared!

Developing a fundamental understanding of where you’ll be playing is difficult by solely perusing the internet. As I write that out, I am now certain it’s downright impossible.

There is too much nuance, even if you step out of the car armed with the knowledge written in this publication.

The easiest way to assuage the nervous tension of a first-time invite is to ask your host any and all questions you have. If they know what they’re doing, they will answer you with detailed, reassuring responses.

Private clubs are laser-focused on the broad experience of members and guests.

The “experience” could involve a meal, an outfit change, or maybe both. I’ve found it best to go with the flow and allow the host to drive the agenda. If possible, you’ll want to leave time for the extracurriculars (if you’re not spending the night).

Without an elevated environment, they would be nothing more than a typical public course.

The difference in the two lies in the ability for every person who steps foot on the property to buy into an implicit, collective understanding of the Rules. The standards of the club come before anyone or anything.

A key mental frame to put yourself into as you arrive:

I’m here to experience the club for what it is. The day is not about me, it’s about drowning myself in what makes this club special - whether it be the golf course, the history, or the food, it’s about the greater good of the club.

A good rule of thumb is to act like you’ve been there before, even if you haven’t. (Life skill as well)

This applies to all activities while at the club, but mostly to phone usage. It’s a skill that builds over time and atrophies quickly.

A few photos are OK, but having your phone out on every tee and green is a little bit much. Sometimes, you have to call your wife and tell her you’ll be missing your flight home, but that can wait for the car after the round.

You will miss details of the course and club if your head isn’t where your feet are.

Under no circumstances should I see any of you post a “pro shop haul”, a la “Bucketlistproshopper”, on Instagram (he blocked me, otherwise I’d post an image out of spite).

If you’ve been on the internet, you’ve probably seen this guy. I try to find the positives in people, but the guy is insufferable.

Please do not buy 20 + items from a pro shop for the sole purpose of flexing to other people. It’s uncouth behavior and antithetical to the nature of the place where you purchased the items.

The irony of “flexing” is it only appeals to those below you.

The ideal shop haul is anywhere from one to four items. If you have questions on this, reach out.

Write a hand-written note if you feel it is necessary. Heck, even if you don’t feel it’s necessary, it’s always a nice touch.

Make it short, specific, and from the heart. Can’t miss from there.

If I had to sum up how to be an excellent guest in a few bullets:

That’s about it. It’s simple stuff which is complicated by a lot of folks out there. As always, reach out with any questions/concerns.

I’m expanding my knowledge of reasonable menswear brands. As the holiday season approaches, I will be putting together a comprehensive buying guide for golf clothes, and probably another one for general menswear stuff that looks good. No streetwear allowed.

I found a good-looking British menswear brand with an interesting backstory. This wool vest is unique and sharp.

As I cleaned up my golf bag for the year (final round Monday with a reader), I forgot that I had found a twenty-year-old Iliac headcover at Goodwill for $2. Some days, it’s just your day.

Arnie McNair recently dropped a fall line full of natural fabrics and Italian wool. Worth a look.

Jerry Tarde, "The Movement to Spikeless Spikes," Dec 1994.

It’s interesting to hear the story on the original push to ban metal spikes. I’ve heard whispers that soft spikes are now banned at places like Stanwich, and only a select few versions of soft spikes are allowed at clubs like Merion.

Are we on the verge of the next spike revolution?

Karuizawa Golf Club began in 1919 when villa residents in the highland resort leased land and hired St. Andrews pro Tom Nicol to design a 9-hole course, which opened in 1922 (now the Old Karuizawa Golf Club).

Demand led to a new site, where founder Yuji Kodera designed the 18-hole layout that opened fully in 1932. Early members included imperial family, nobility, Mitsui/Mitsubishi, politicians, and foreigners.

It closed in WWII and was later requisitioned by U.S. forces. It reopened under the influence of Jiro Shirasu, who enforced “PLAY FAST,” members-only rules, and strict standards… he even refused a prime minister.

Today it remains one of Japan’s most private clubs: no website and approximately 350 members.

As always, thanks for reading.

Until next time,

-BTG

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